For the holiday that is supposed to bring a family together, my family managed to push me further away. Firstly, my presents sucked-next to my sister, at least, who easily got twice as much of much more expensive stuff. I spent Christmas Eve with my grandmother in the emergency room for her not-really-emergency-but-still-urgent infection. So my mother and sister did all the Christmas baking without me.
Christmas Day rolls around. Our usual thing that we do on Christmases that my dad and I are in town is: 1. Open Presents; 2. Eat Cinnamon Rolls; 3. Veg Around Watching TV; and 4. Going To The Movies. This is what we do. Everything got screwed up this year.
It sucked. My mom has been trying to make things better since she realized how much it meant to me to help with all of the baking. It meant that there were some pretty significant lapses in familial structure. I did all of the heavy lifting, high reaching, and anything that involved any pain at all. I would pour the toffee because it burns your hands through any potholders, and I would get the cookies off the tray before they had cooled because all of the spatulas were in use. And when my sister took over all of those tasks, it really showed how much of a sideliner I had become.
I expected my family to move on without me. I appreciated that at Thanksgiving. What I didn't expect was to get attacked by my family for not acting like a part of the family when I was doing all that I could to try. They acted like I was trying to ostracize myself. I spent four years of my life being ostracized by high schoolers. I have no desire to do that again. I want to be respected and wanted.
Right now I feel like a Christmas decoration that doesn't go with the décor and is about to be tossed in the trash.
No comments:
Post a Comment