It feels different this time.
Last year, I felt like I was going into something unknown and strange, but something that I wholeheartedly wanted. I was going to be with one of ny best friends, and everything was going to be perfect.
Then she hated the life I felt like I decided for both of us. And I looked at the year through her eyes and blanched. It was not just her, either. Many left. Many friends.
Now I am heading into this upcoming year hesitantly. I know what to expect. I understand what is going to happen. I will be mostly alone. Nobody is going to be thrilled to see me. I will be a freshman in high school again. Alone, but desperate for friendship. Desperate for a connection to somebody at a level deeper than just friendship. I want someone to desperately want to see me. Someone who doesn't share my blood.
Tomorrow morning is coming. I can feel the earth turning underneath me. I can feel the stillness of night collapsing upon me. I look forward to the classes that will bring me some sort of peace. But I am not at peace. I am broken. I am alone. They forsake me and the system I try to uphold.
